With the new year I start a new journey, or perhaps it is more appropriate to say I walk deeper into the journey that I’ve been on for many years. The open and healing path is a complex highway system cut into the toxic terrain of a society that pushes death and disease through culture, food and industry. Put simply the open and healing path is love. Fear frightens even smart and intuitive people into submission, while others wear ignorance with swagger and revel in their own extinction. Fear binds the carrot to the stick threatening and compelling us to chase our tails until we are dizzy.
Within this fear frenzy though, as the old song says, love is the answer. Why? Because there is know other way to go. I used to think an open mind was enough, but now I see in order to heal, I’ll need an open heart as well.
My heart had been closed or at least restricted for way too long. Vulnerability was the culprit here. An open mind is a shield against ignorance. In some cases, it can be a defense mechanism. An open heart however is much more risky, especially if you’re sensitive, and for me my heart, both the physical and metaphoric organ, is most in need of healing.
Fear of intimacy is my greatest wound. It keeps me disconnected from other people and almost cost me my marriage. But some how I feel that my capacity to love is great, that if I can grow beyond my fear I will find a vast untapped resource of emotion and healing.
My physical heart has a “genetic” abnormality which causes the disruption of the cell structure of the left ventricle – Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM). I’ve come to see only recently that health of my physical and my metaphoric heart are conjoined. I plan to share this healing here in cyberspace.
